How to make a voodoo doll

November 1, 2012 | By | 1 Comment

Kickboxing. Burning sage. Single-handedly consuming an entire bottle of Chardonnay or a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.

Jack Sparrow voodoo doll (likely not made by Vanessa Paradis).

These are all great, (and perfectly normal!) methods one can deploy when trying to get over an ex. That said, I think there are a lot of advantages to channeling your energy, and your creativity, toward making a voodoo doll. I say, when in doubt, curse. Moreover, since every heartbreak is unique,  doesn’t each one deserve a tiny monument to its uniqueness?

Here’s a foolproof, step-by-step guide to making your very own, extra-special, voodoo doll.

Step 1: Gather your materials

–          Two sticks, one half the size of the other (8-12 inches long is recommended for the long one)

–          String

–          Dried plant matter, such as hay or corn husks. (Apparently an authentic voodoo doll requires Spanish moss, which strikes me as more than a bit discriminatory toward significant percentage of the population that don’t live in True Blood country, so I propose a more universal material.)

I love this voodoo doll — it looks like Cher in that Bob Mackie get up she wore to the Oscars in 1986! (Image source: Voodoo Doll Museum)

–          Fabric. (Bonus points for your ex’s boxer shorts or a tie. Two bonus points for both.)

–          Needle and thread

–          Beads, buttons, beans, pills. (Bonus points for black-eyed peas, contraceptive pills, or Xanax.)

–          Items that will “style” your doll, such as feathers, additional fabric, or a miniature can of Bud Light. (Optional.)

–          Tequila

Step 2: Bind the two sticks together with the string so that they form a cross.

Step 3: Wrap the dried plant matter around the center of the cross to reinforce it. Then wrap it around the rest of the cross. Reinforce with string as necessary.

Step 4: Wind your strips of fabric over the plant matter. Leave a little tuft at the top for hair and at the bottom, if you like. Secure the fabric with glue or a few stitches of thread.

Step 5: Transform the cross into a doll by making a face with the beads, buttons, beans, or pills. Use glue or stitches to attach.

Step 6: Accessorize your doll with feathers, additional fabric, or a wee little hat. (Three bonus points if the accessories are somehow connected with the person you are doll-ifying/voodoo-izing.)

Step 7: Step back, have a shot of tequila, and admire your work.

Step 8: Make a decision about the doll’s fate: Stick it with 13 pins and burn it or set it on a shelf to remind you for the rest of your life of the mistake you’ll never make again.

Easy peasy, and guaranteed to make you feel better!


Filed in: Blog, Life and love, The Little Book of Heartbreak | Tags: , , , , , , ,

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